The Ghost of Gerald Ford Finally Put To Rest

Good news today folks. Former President Gerald Ford has finally released his reign of terror on the United States. For 8 days straight, the ghost of Ford has haunted our television screens with endless updates about the whereabouts of his dead body. Miraculously parading across the country, seemingly autonomously. I for one was terrified. Every time I turned on the television screen I was in fear that I'd see his image or hear him again.

Apparently his body was lying in "state" towards the end of his haunting. I don't know exactly what that means but I think it is in reference to an old pagan ritual where you wait for a body to rise back up in a zombie like state to wreak havoc on mankind. Now I could be wrong about the zombie part but I'm not a man who second guesses himself.

I did a little research about his early life and what I found chilled me to the bone. "Gerald Ford Jr." was actually born Leslie Lynch King Jr. Lynch King Jr. As in Martin Luther? Coincidence? I don't think so. Now I am still looking into the connection between Kings 1968 assassination and Ford. As of yet, I have no evidence but I believe that his possible past of terror can explain the haunting.

As always. News you can use!